When I wrote both Wracked and Desecrated, I was unemployed. I wasn't sitting around only writing, I was looking for work and trying to find a way to make rent. A few times I was hosted by very generous friends who wanted to help get me on my feet, and I was grateful to them for that kindness.
For nearly two years now, I have had a fairly good job. I can make my rent and then some. It is actually how I was able to afford hiring an artist to do the symbols on the cover, and my editor. But now I am too exhausted when I come home to explore the world of Wrack and his friends, and it worries me.
It worries me because I have so much more story to tell, but I feel like it is on the other side of this wall. When people comment on my books, I have always said - "I know I will never make any money at this, I am just doing it because I want to". The trouble is, I still want to, but this wall is in my way and I am not sure how to tear it down.
Look, I am not naive about this. Most writers in the world don't make a living from writing books that they want to write. Most authors write books that they know will sell. Only the lucky few get to agonize over their dreams and get paid to do it. So how do I tear down this wall?
Also, I know that there are only a handful of people reading my books, and even fewer following this blog. Of course if I spent more time on the blog that might be different, but again - wall.
So what do we do? Do we live as a starving artist, mostly living day-to-day on the kindness of others? Or do we abandon the dark dream of Wrack, Brin, and Avar? I don't really like either option.
Lately I have been asking people to review my books online. To tell people about them, and some people have responded. I am grateful to them for that too. But still, I am crossed with this worry that the dream of Ukumog will fade, if I don't chase it. I am left with trying to figure out how, and I worry that I won't find the way.